maria talks :: (877) MA-SEX-ED

What is pregnancy

Pregnancy begins when a man’s sperm and a woman’s egg meet and begin to grow in the uterus. On average, a woman releases an egg from one of her ovaries each month (we call this ovulating). This is the time that a woman can become pregnant if her egg joins with a sperm.

If a man and woman have vaginal sex (sex in the vagina), the man can release sperm inside of her when he cums (ejaculates). Even though the man will release between 60 and 500 million sperm when he cums, it only takes one of those little suckers to do the job. If just one of these sperm reaches the egg that has been released (which is called fertilization), the egg will implant itself in the lining of the uterus (or womb), where fertilized eggs develop. If the egg doesn’t join with a sperm, then the uterus will start to cramp (this is why lots of women get those annoying and painful cramps!) and both the egg and the menstrual lining (or flow) are broken down and released through the vagina in the form of her period. This is why a woman getting her period is usually a sure sign that she’s not pregnant.

The fertilized egg is called a "fetus" as it begins to develop into a baby. A woman is said to be pregnant when a fetus is growing inside of her uterus. The fertilized egg usually takes about nine months to develop into a baby that is ready to be born.

A woman is most likely to get pregnant during vaginal sex at the time of the month when she’s releasing her egg (ovulating). Vaginal sex is the most common way that a woman becomes pregnant. But check this out; she can get pregnant even without having vaginal sex! If the man cums close enough to the outside of the vagina for the sperm to start swimming up inside her, she can totally become pregnant even without having had sex (as if there wasn’t enough to worry about already)! Even before a man cums, he may release sperm in his pre-cum. Pre-cum is the clear, kind of sticky fluid that comes out of his penis soon after he gets hard (erect) but before he actually cums. Sometimes even just the pre-cum can have sperm in it that can cause her to get pregnant. This is why it is possible for a woman to get pregnant even if her partner pulls out or doesn’t cum inside of her. It is also possible to get pregnant the very first time you have sex.

How do I know if I or my partner is pregnant?
Women find out that they are pregnant in different ways. Since the lining of the uterus (womb) doesn’t break down when she is pregnant, women who are pregnant do not usually get their periods. I know a lot of women who found out they were pregnant because they didn’t get their periods. Some girls I know say that they could just feel that something was different, their bodies just felt . . . off. Like some girls say their breasts started to hurt, or they felt sick to their stomachs a lot but this can differ from woman to woman. The quickest and most accurate way for a woman to know for sure whether she is pregnant or not is to have a pregnancy test. Anyone can buy a pregnancy test from a drug store (they won’t ask for I.D. because you don’t have to be over a certain age to buy one) or get a cheap or free test and counseling at a local family planning clinic.
Click here for resources

Getting tested at a family planning clinic can be a really good option because if a woman finds out that she is pregnant, she’ll probably have a lot of questions that a doctor (like my Aunt Lucia), nurse or family planning counselor will happily answer. Talking to a doctor, nurse or counselor helps her to get connected to whatever care or services she needs.

My aunt always tells me that the sooner a woman finds out that she’s pregnant, the more options she has. “Maria,” she says, “if you think you might be pregnant, don’t wait! Get a pregnancy test as soon as you can. Keepin’ your head in the sand doesn’t help you!” And once again… she’s right!

The good thing is, if you’re having sex and you don’t want to get pregnant or get someone else pregnant, there are a lot of options to prevent pregnancy. They can get a little confusing, so I described them in detail in the birth control section of this website. My hope is to give you enough information to help you consider what type of birth control (if any) is right for you and your partner and what you might want to talk to your doctor about if you are considering using birth control. If you have questions, you can always call the Sexual Health Helpline at (877) MA-SEX-ED (877) 627-3933. The counselors there are really cool and will totally answer any questions you have.

For more information on ways to prevent pregnancy, click here

If you had unprotected sex (sex without a condom and/or other form of birth control) for any reason, you do have options, such as taking Emergency Contraception. You also have pregnancy options to explore if you become pregnant when you didn’t want to or plan to. What you choose to do, depends on you and what you’re comfortable with as well as how concerned you are about becoming pregnant.

Things to think about:

How would I feel if I or my partner became pregnant? Am I ready to be a parent?
Some people decide that they don’t want to have sex unless they’re ready to be a parent. Others decide that they will have sex, but take steps to prevent pregnancy, like using birth control. If you are not sure that you are ready to be a parent, then you may want to seriously consider either not having sex (at least vaginal sex) or avoid having sex without some sort of birth control. Otherwise, it’s a real gamble.

Do you want to take precautions to prevent a pregnancy from happening after the fact?
Believe it or not, there is a safe, effective way to prevent pregnancy after sex without having an abortion. I know it may sound crazy, but I swear it’s true. You can use a type of birth control pill that is designed to work best just after unprotected sex. It’s called the morning after pill, or Emergency Contraception. Click here to learn more about it.

If you’ve had sex without some sort of protection and are worried about pregnancy, there may be a lot of things going through your mind and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed, confused, scared, and unsure. Sometimes talking it through with someone close to you can help you make a decision. I know it may sound corny but, whatever you choose, just make sure it feels right for you.

If you’re worried about a possible pregnancy, or want to talk to someone about options, call the Massachusetts Sexual Health Helpline at (877) MA-SEX-ED (877) 627-3933. The counselors there are really cool and happy to answer questions and help you consider your options. They won’t judge you and everything is totally confidential . . . you don’t even have to give them your name.

If you or someone you know has experienced a sexual assault or been forced to do something sexually that you or they didn’t want to do, click here to go to the Sexual Violence section of my site to find out more information or find services that can help you or them.

emergency contraception/plan B

Emergency contraception (EC) is a type of birth control pill that you can take to prevent pregnancy after sex. Using EC can seriously lower the chance of pregnancy if protection wasn’t used, if regular birth control failed (condom broke etc), or if a woman was forced to have sex. EC must be started within five days (120 hours) of unprotected sex. But don’t wait! The sooner EC is taken, the better it works. Click here for more information on EC.

image of Plan B

An unplanned pregnancy can be a scary thing for anyone. I think the most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone. Many pregnancies are unplanned (let’s be honest, many women young and old get pregnant when they weren’t planning to,) and whatever you decide to do, there are people and resources to help you. At mariatalks.com, my aunt and I have put together information, support, and referrals in Massachusetts that you may need to help you make an informed decision about what to do next.

If you need any additional information or want to talk with someone who will be happy to answer questions or just listen, please call the anonymous Sexual Health Helpline at (877) MA-SEX-ED (877) 627-3933. The counselors will help without judging or lecturing and all of the information you tell them will stay strictly confidential; in fact, the counselors will never even ask for your name. You can also e-mail the counselors at hotline@aac.org.

If you are having difficulty figuring out what to do you can try talking to someone you trust, like your doctor, a close friend, or a family member. It might help to go to your doctor who knows about you and your health issues, but if you don't feel comfortable doing that, family planning clinics also have all the information you need. It may sound scary to go to a clinic under these circumstances, but the people who work there (like my aunt) are usually very nice and will treat you with respect. Like the counselors on the helpline, they won’t judge you or lecture you.

You may need to give them a name and stuff, but if you live in Massachusetts, all of your information will be strictly confidential and they will never tell anyone your business, not even your parents, unless you give them permission to do so (usually in writing). It’s actually illegal for them to disclose your information without your permission, even to your parents, (I bet that comes as a relief). What’s also cool is that if you want help to talk to your parents about your decision, they will totally help you with that too.

For questions, support, or to find a family planning clinic near you, call the Massachusetts Sexual Health Helpline at (877) MA-SEX-ED (877) 627-3933.

Sometimes when someone has a pregnancy scare they decide to stop having sex until they figure out a birth control method that works for them. This could mean getting condoms or talking to their doctor or a health care provider about their birth control options. Or it could mean deciding to wait to have sex until they’re ready to be a parent.

If you are having sex without birth control, but aren’t ready to have a baby yet, click here for more information about birth control.

unplanned pregnancy/pregnancy options

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy, you have choices to make and issues you may want to think about. You can:

Choose to have the baby and parent your child
Choose to have the baby and make an adoption plan
Choose to have an abortion to end the pregnancy

You can learn more about these options below.

A pregnancy and a baby will have a big effect on your life (yeah, I know you’re thinking, “Like I didn’t know that already”). When a woman is pregnant, she needs to go to the doctor much more often to make sure she and the developing baby are healthy. This is called ‘prenatal care,’ since prenatal means before birth. You may also need to make some major lifestyle changes in order to deliver a healthy baby. For example, some physical activity may be more difficult or not recommended for pregnant women. Smoking anything (cigarettes, weed or other drugs), drinking alcohol, poor eating habits, and even not getting enough sleep can all have a bad effect on your pregnancy. It is important to talk with your doctor to see what prenatal health care and lifestyle changes they recommend for you.

Many people look forward to having a child, but the truth is that parenthood takes many people by surprise (teens and adults alike). Being a parent can affect your life in many ways—some challenges can be things like cost, (diapers, baby food and those cute baby clothes—that stuff ain’t cheap,) finding childcare, and even finding time for yourself to simply chill.

Creating a family and having a little person in your world who loves you and that you love can be great, but my Aunt Lucia says that girls who have babies when they are young have a much tougher time finishing school and getting a job. She also says that being a parent is the toughest job you could ever have.

Like any other challenge in life, family and friend support is important. If there are people who you are close to who can help out, including assistance with things like parenting advice and child care, it can make this experience easier to manage. If these are not options for you, there are organizations that can help you.

Many places offer free or low-cost support for new parents and people who are about to be parents, including counseling, parenting classes, and classes on effectively dealing with stress (because seriously, as cute as those little babies are, they can be really stressful). There are also programs like the WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) program that help make sure you are able to provide your child with healthy meals.

Parenting Resources

An unplanned pregnancy can be difficult if you and your partner are not ready to parent a child, but have decided that abortion isn’t right for you either. You may want more information about adoption. Adoption is a legal process which permanently places a child with a parent or parents who are ready to care for a child. This is a really great way to provide someone (or a couple) with a child who might not be able to have one otherwise and allows the baby to be raised by people who want and feel ready for a child (or at least as ready as anyone can feel in that situation). Remember it’s up to each person to figure out what to do in this situation, and what feels right for one person may not feel right for another. Whatever your reason, if you are unable to parent and don’t wish to get an abortion, then you may want to learn more about adoption.

Carrying a pregnancy to full-term and going through the adoption process may seem scary, but there are services available to help you along the way. These include personal support and counseling as well as support for anyone close to you who may also be affected by the decision.

In Massachusetts, you have to work with a licensed agency or service provider to help you make an adoption plan that is best for you and your baby. There are many types of adoption agencies as well as types of adoption. Once you choose an adoption agency, the agency can then help you decide what type of adoption works best for you and your baby. From what I’ve heard, going through this process can be pretty tough for some people, especially emotionally. Agencies will provide resources and support for people who are having a rough time and will help them get through it.

You should also know that someone under 18 can give consent for an adoption in Massachusetts. They don’t need to get permission from a parent.

Adoption Resources

Abortion is a pretty hot topic with some of the kids at my school. Some believe that it is wrong while others believe that it can be a good and responsible choice. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, it can sometimes be hard to get truthful information because some people may try to get you to think the same way they do. What’s important is how you feel about it. One of my friends who had an abortion told me that it was a difficult decision to make, but she felt that it was the best choice she could make for herself, her boyfriend, her family, and her future.

What is an abortion?
An abortion is when the contents of the womb (uterus) are removed, so that the uterus goes back to how it was before a woman got pregnant.

Abortions can happen naturally (sometimes referred to as a spontaneous abortion or miscarriage) or can be done with medications or surgery.

Do people really have abortions?
Yes, it’s more common than you might think. About four out of every 10 women in the United States have had at least one abortion by the time they turn 40 years old.

Is it safe?
Yes. My Aunt Lucia says that abortions are safe and effective, though some people may experience temporary discomfort. She also says that early abortions have less risk than those done later in the pregnancy.

How much does it cost?
If you have health insurance, it may cover an abortion. Abortion is covered by most Massachusetts health insurance plans. Some people may not have health insurance or may not want to use their health insurance to protect their privacy. Without insurance, an abortion can cost anywhere from several hundred dollars to over a thousand dollars. In general, costs for an abortion are lower in clinics than in hospitals, and earlier abortions are less expensive than later abortions. If you do not have health insurance or the resources to pay for an abortion, there are resources to help you. Call the Sexual Health Helpline at (877) MA-SEX-ED (877) 627-3933 for more information.

Can I get an abortion in Massachusetts if I’m under 18?
Ok, I want to say upfront that I totally know that the following information can sound pretty intimidating and overwhelming, but I assure you the reality of getting an abortion is much easier than it sounds here. It may be really difficult for you to imagine talking to either your parents or a judge about getting an abortion, but there are people who can help you through it. If after reading this section, you have questions or concerns, please call the hotlines I have listed below and those counselors will help you. I have had a couple of friends go through this and it’s not as bad as it sounds.

If a woman is under age 18, has never been married and decides she wants to have an abortion, Massachusetts law requires both her consent, and either (1) the consent of one parent or legal guardian, or (2) authorization by a judge. Again, I know it sounds crazy, but just keep reading . . . this really can be done and young women do this all the time here in Massachusetts.

A woman under 18 who is married or has been married (and is now widowed, separated or divorced) does not need to get parental consent or a judge’s approval. They kind of figure that if you’re old enough to be married, you’re old enough to make the decision for yourself.

If you are under 18 and have decided that abortion is right for you, you can call the Planned Parenthood Counseling and Referral Hotline at (617) 616-1616 or (800) 682-9218 (option 8). They can either help you talk to your parents, or if you decide that you can’t or don’t want to do that, they will provide you with a free lawyer who will help you go to court and talk to a judge. These hearings are scheduled quickly, are kept completely confidential and so far, no minor who’s gone through this process has ever been denied access to an abortion by a judge.

How do I decide what to do?
It is your right to decide what to do without feeling judged, pressured or criticized. This is an important decision that you have to make based on your own situation. What may make sense for someone else may not make sense for you. Call the Sexual Health Helpline at (877) MA-SEX-ED (877) 627-3933 for help. We can provide you with information and support to help you make the decision that’s right for you with absolutely NO PRESSURE either way.

Abortion Options
There are a few different abortion options available depending on how far along a woman is in her pregnancy. The earlier that she decides to have an abortion, the more options she’ll have. If a woman is sure she doesn’t want to continue the pregnancy, she should make an appointment to learn about abortion options as soon as she can. In general, earlier abortions are safer and less expensive than later abortions.

Abortion Resources
To get more information about all of your options, including abortion, call the Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts' Sexual Health Counseling and Referral Hotline: (617) 616-1616 or toll-free (800) 682-9218, option #8. Hotline staff and volunteers are available Monday-Thursday 9 AM - 8 PM; Friday 9 AM - 6 PM.